There comes a
time, usually sooner rather than later, when the non-racing person in a racing
family needs professional therapy to help them work thru their role as the
non-racing person in a racing family.
This usually occurs when it becomes apparent that all of the
discretionary funds are going into the racing machine or the machine to move
the racing machine, and are therefore not available for non-reimbursable
therapy. So, someone needs to step forward and offer free counseling.
That would be moi!
As a card-carrying
no-longer-racing member of a racing family I have been self-medicating for
years and I highly recommend it. The
medication comes in the form of a series of theories, axioms and postulates
(and shame on all of you who thought I was going to say Scotch!) that are
specifically designed to assure the non-racing member of a racing family that
what they are thinking and feeling have been thought and felt by someone else. Misery has company, lots of it.
So, what follows
is my take on what is silently bothering the non-racing member of the racing
family. If any of these rings true, my
job here will be done! Enjoy.
Theory # 1: A wallet that’s open tends to
stay open unless acted on by an outside force.
Axiom
# 1: Racing budgets are created on the Log Flume ride at
Axiom
# 2: The cost of a $50.00 box of racing parts no longer includes shipping and
handling.
Postulate # 1: In a stunning
coincidence, every major carrier has established $852.00 as the flat rate for
shipping race parts.
Theory # 2: There is no
correlation between the “actual” and “perceived” life of a race car part.
Axiom
# 1: Every car part that worked perfectly well at the end of the season will
need to be replaced before the first race of the next season.
Axiom
# 2: “Their” new paint job is always better than your new paint job.
Postulate # 1: Another can of Krylon does not necessarily improve
matters.
Postulate # 2: You can never have too many product stickers on a race
car and it usually only requires you to spend 3 or 4 hundred dollars to get
one.
Theory # 3: E = mc2 Or, the price of a new race engine (E) is
equal to the economic value of Mommy (m) and Children (c) squared.
Axiom
# 1: The more children you have the more expensive an engine will be.
Axiom
# 2: Ensuring that each child attends a Big 10 school on a full football
scholarship leading to multi-million dollar offers from hungry NFL teams will result
in the children buying the engine.
Postulate # 1 to Axiom # 2: For female
children, remember the name Mia Hamm.
Theory # 4: What’s good for the goose is
better for the gander.
Axiom # 1: Parts sold at Tiffany’s
last longer.
Axiom # 2: and they hold their
value.
Any questions?
If you would like to make any comments or suggestions, email me here; SUZIE