THE ESTROGEN PAGE

Most couples, after 15 years of official togetherness, are often accused of taking on the traits of the partner. Nothing could be further from the truth here at the Chateau.  On my best day I can't imagine myself changing the oil in my car any more than I can see the Chief Mechanic and Team Driver tackle the precision of  a Duck Terrene.  Socket drivers are my enemy in much the same way a fat separator baffles himself.  His usefulness with a vacuum cleaner is surpassed only by my inability to sweat copper pipe.  Fortunately, for both of us, we know our limitations and try not to encroach on each others established territory.  There is one and only one exception to this rule and that is when his territory encroaches on mine.

Now, in Chapter One I think we deftly handled an overview of space here at the Chateau.
What I failed to describe was the propensity of the Chief Mechanic and Team Driver to borrow space - on a semi-perpetual basis -  to temporarily house the overflow that seems to arrive daily compliments of our UPS man - the one that earns hazardous duty pay each day he makes a stop at the Chateau.  That coupled with the generous holiday gratuity that we provide has allowed three of these guys to retire early.

Its a pretty good bet that I am the only wife on the east coast that received a hand truck as a birthday present.  The practicality of this gift is exceeded only by the number of times I have actually had to use it to move the overflow from the front door to the inner sanctum.  This is due to some cagey calculations on the part of the Chief Mechanic and Team Driver to time the arrival of these items to those times he is out of town on business.  As grateful as I am for the equipment, what I really had in mind was a gift infinitely smaller and measured in carats.

It never ceases to amaze me what UPS will deliver..and while I'm thinking about it, here is some trivia for you.  UPS will deliver new tires, even slicks,  but won't deliver used tires...unless, of course, some clever soul boxes them and declares them to be upholstered patio furniture! We've received everything from a teeny box of brake pads to unwieldy car radiators, shock absorbers to a bending brake.  The size and the weight of the package is always intriguing only because I usually have no idea they are arriving.  One evening while the Chief Mechanic and Team Driver was on the left coast eating Dungeness Crab and drinking fine wine I got home from a Particularly unsatisfactory day at work to find twelve boxes of every size and shape imaginable waiting for me at the front door.   Having little use for Dungeness Crab I went to the cellar, found the finest bottle of wine on the rack, poured myself a healthy portion and sipped it while staring suspiciously at the parcels.  Where does he find all this things?

This brings me to the subject of catalogs.  I have learned over the years that virtually any item one would need to build and maintain a competitive vehicle can be found in a catalog.  I'm sure it will come as no surprise to anyone that we are on the mailing list of EVERY SINGLE company on the planet that offers racing "stuff" (yes, we're back to that!)  We have a catalog dedicated solely to nuts and bolts; we have another one for gaskets.  Need a reconditioned fuel pump? How about venturi's?  We have catalogs for them.  Fibreglass catalogs are particularly intriguing because you don't just go buy fibreglass, you buy lots of bottles of stuff that smells really obnoxious and yards of woven stuff, roving stuff and mat stuff  that, when properly mixed, layered and applied make fibreglass body parts.  I'm particularly enamored of clutch and flywheel assemblies, something called hypercoils (very sexy, don't you think?) - but only the kind with "helper springs".  Someday I am going to find that patient soul that can explain to me, in terms that make sense, the logic behind  "dry sump" technology.  The chef in me recoils at the thought of anything good coming out of something dry on purpose.  My issue with catalogs is not the information they provide but their propensity to clone themselves overnight.  If three catalogs arrive on a Tuesday, there are thirty-three yet to be read by Friday. I, for one, would be infinitely happier if every single one of those catalog companies would stop clogging up the mail with their wares and concentrate on clogging up the Internet...in much the same way I am now!.

See you next month.