THE ESTROGEN PAGE

 

 

There comes a time, usually sooner rather than later, when the non-racing person in a racing family needs professional therapy to help them work thru their role as the non-racing person in a racing family.  This usually occurs when it becomes apparent that all of the discretionary funds are going into the racing machine or the machine to move the racing machine, and are therefore not available for non-reimbursable therapy. So, someone needs to step forward and offer free counseling.

That would be moi!

As a card-carrying no-longer-racing member of a racing family I have been self-medicating for years and I highly recommend it.  The medication comes in the form of a series of theories, axioms and postulates (and shame on all of you who thought I was going to say Scotch!) that are specifically designed to assure the non-racing member of a racing family that what they are thinking and feeling have been thought and felt by someone else.  Misery has company, lots of it.

So, what follows is my take on what is silently bothering the non-racing member of the racing family.  If any of these rings true, my job here will be done!  Enjoy.

Theory # 1: A wallet that’s open tends to stay open unless acted on by an outside force.

Axiom # 1: Racing budgets are created on the Log Flume ride at DisneyWorld.

Axiom # 2: The cost of a $50.00 box of racing parts no longer includes shipping and handling.

Postulate # 1: In a stunning coincidence, every major carrier has established $852.00 as the flat rate for shipping race parts.

Theory # 2: There is no correlation between the “actual” and “perceived” life of a race car part.

Axiom # 1: Every car part that worked perfectly well at the end of the season will need to be replaced before the first race of the next season.

Axiom # 2: “Their” new paint job is always better than your new paint job.

Postulate # 1: Another can of Krylon does not necessarily improve matters.

Postulate # 2: You can never have too many product stickers on a race car and it usually only requires you to spend 3 or 4 hundred dollars to get one.

Theory # 3: E = mc2  Or, the price of a new race engine (E) is equal to the economic value of Mommy (m) and Children (c) squared.

Axiom # 1: The more children you have the more expensive an engine will be.

Axiom # 2: Ensuring that each child attends a Big 10 school on a full football scholarship leading to multi-million dollar offers from hungry NFL teams will result in the children buying the engine.

Postulate # 1 to Axiom # 2: For female children, remember the name Mia Hamm.

Theory # 4: What’s good for the goose is better for the gander.

Axiom # 1: Parts sold at Tiffany’s last longer.

Axiom # 2: and they hold their value.



Any questions?