THE ESTROGEN PAGE

Let me assure you, being innocent is everything it’s cracked up to be.  There is much to be said for the simple life, for uncomplicated truths and the unerring belief that the sun will rise, work will be waiting and dinner will be cooked, for better or worse.  Our generation has spent most of its waking hours believing it, seeing it, counting on it.   We spend hours in the gym, but we are fat and sassy.  We invest a bit of money in a stock du jour and spend it as frivously.  And we believe, without reservation, that somehow we have a grand plan “in the works” that will justify everything we do.

And then something horrific happens, the dot com market comes crashing down followed quickly by two architectural icons that a three named jack ass decided was the ultimate symbol of our arrogance.  We pause and try to re-group, but we have little experience with Plan B.  Perhaps we try to adjust one or two priorities, move a bit more cautiously, a bit more steadily, a bit more logically, but want for the equipment to carry that off with any conviction.  We had the luxury of time until we learned of the collateral damage of the horror.

There exists out there a world of scribes who have published no end of poignant epitaphs to those we lost on 9/11.  I am no competition for them and have no wish to be. What I do want to say, however, is that there can never be enough words written or phrases spoken to properly euologize those we lost. Nor can there ever be enough speculation about the worth that will never be realized because of their loss.

This dilemma leaves us with a couple of choices to make.  We can go through a period of mourning- that time we share our thoughts, real or imagined, with anyone who will listen – and then return to our routine of complaints and criticism of anyone or anything that has the temerity to get in the way of our life.  We can proceed to face our individual fates, a bit more cautiously, with a bit more meaning, jealously guarding each moment knowing it will never be quite the same ever again.  Or, we can boldly revel in the moment, and I mean every moment, not as if it might be our last, but as if it is the very first time – every time.

So, to start this year I find myself falling back on a tried and true strategy - and have a couple of resolutions I would like to share.  They are brand new, chock full of ideas that never before occurred to me but now somehow feel totally on the mark.

I resolve to replace all those shining, smiling faces on my refrigerator with children’s art.  If you have children, please send me some art, I promise I will cherish it.

I resolve to finish a cross-stitch Christmas stocking for Todd that I have not been working on for about three years now.  It’s really going to be beautiful and I know this will make him happy.

I resolve to finally go down to Ground Zero and pay my respects. I’m in the city every day and I have not had the guts.  I’m going to have the guts and I’m going to weep openly and without shame.

I resolve to root for the underdog in the Super Bowl.

I resolve to rejoice in small victories because they are the only ones worth a damn.

I resolve to stay in touch with friends so we stay friends.

I resolve to work hard every week on the New York Times Sunday Crossword Puzzle, cheating only when I absolutely have to (OK, OK … I always absolutely have to.)!!!!

I resolve to figure out how to do more things for myself so I don’t have to bother Todd with pesky details that take him away from those things I cannot possibly do but he does so well.   (Hmm, not a wonderfully put together sentence, but you get the drift).

I resolve to start my book…only if 6 people e-mail me promising to read it.

I resolve to finally get the foyer and guest room in our house renovated.

I resolve to take each adversity that comes along, look at it square in the eye and let it know I am smarter than it is.

I resolve not to get that screwed up look on my face whenever I see yet another car race on the television.  On the other hand, I do resolve to draw the line at televised bass fishing.

I resolve to figure out how the Bo-Flex works, take at least three strokes off my golf game, grow edible tomatoes, and lie in the hammock at least once a week reading a good book.

I resolve to take more pictures, write more columns, remember birthdays and anniversaries, and stop taking myself so seriously.


Gee, given all these, I can hardly wait to see what I come up with for February!